7 months later, the shell is sitting on the nightstand silently reminding me of how much can change in a few months. My confusion hasn't lessened, but rather the opposite. there's a new you, the old you appears episodically, whereas the third you is now "taking some time off" and only adding up to the general confusion. And yet life is good, the sun is shining, rumor has it that my idle life is about to face its end on wednesday, and the new chapter is to be open for narration. Things happen and what can be better? When there's a place for strong feelings that physically resonate in your body, what can you complain about? That it's a conundrum of feelings, that these feelings don't make your life easier, that the bottom line is that you think you can't really do anything about them? Well, you can. Perhaps it's not yet the right place and\or time, and perhaps it'll come, but frankly, every second of every day is the right time, you just choose not to act, and that's your own responsibility, and all you have left to do is to live with your choices. Because at the end of the day you have your reasons for these choices, even if the main reason of them all is simple, primitive, innate fear. So be it. One day you'll step up and rid yourself of it. Or you won't. Time will show. Meanwhile enjoy the resonance in your gut and the fresh mountain air outside your front door.